DK's Journal

Yep, I'm still on Adfreak.

And yep, I'm waaaaay behind as far as updates go around here.

(or as the kids are known to say, 'round hurr)

This shall be remedied, and soon.

DK

Is Halloween getting too erotic and gory?
The St. Petersburg Times finds it newsworthy that good Halloween costumes need to be scary. Yet Abha Bhattarai’s article laments the evolution from the wholesome, all-American horror of the 1960s to “‘strange, erotic images’ like the ones in The Ring” and increasing levels of gore drawn from modern horror movies like the Saw trilogy. Obviously, Abha wasn’t filled in on a few things. Namely: a) most horror movies aren’t actually scary, because the protagonists are so stupid that the audience ends up rooting for the killer by default, assuming they can endure the corny dialogue, lousy acting and substandard budget; and b) any horror movie’s potential fright factor has been permanently eclipsed by the Internet, whose masturbatory exaltation of the mundane is infinitely more terrifying. And speaking of unnecessary fetishism, who really thinks The Ring’s drowned, prepubescent girl (shown here) is an “erotic image”?

—Posted by David Kiefaber
October 31, 2006

Punk store works the sponsorship scene
If you’re reading this blog while ironing out your mohawk or struggling to button up your girl jeans, you might want to check out PunkStop. They’ve made a name for themselves on the East Coast through appearances at Warped Tour (as the only record store there, no less), Hell Fest and Knife Or Death Fest. Rumors of their sponsoring the Snuggling With Down Pillows And Telling People You Love Them Fest are unsubstantiated. These days, they’re backing SideOneDummy’s College Tour, which explains their presence at the Flogging Molly show I attended last Sunday. The guy working the merch table told me their involvement was arranged through a friend of a friend, which makes sense. The PunkStop crew are mostly guys who run record labels and play in bands, and given their recent legwork, you’d think they’d have a few contacts by now. Anyway, PunkStop is a good alternative to Interpunk, whose wider selection can’t keep it from seeming a little corporate. And if there’s one thing punks can’t stand, it’s corporate influence in their music.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
October 23, 2006

No one’s shutting up on Dixie Chicks blog
Something is amiss with the Dixie Chicks’ Shut Up and Post “fan blog,” designed to promote the Chicks’ upcoming movie Shut Up & Sing. There’s plenty of posting going on, but not a lot of it by fans. The blog is densely populated by anonymous haters, for whom English seems to be a third or perhaps fourth language. Here are some choice tidbits: “There should be NO LIMITS on free speach, unless it advocates a subsiquent murder.” (Muggings and assaults are fine, though.) “As for the traitor B****, she should be charged and put before a firing squadm just as any traitor should.” (Nice that fascists self-censor these days.) “i dont think there should be limits on free speech but i would think that an united states citizen should know not to talk shit about the country overseas when we r in the middle of a war.” (Yeah, wait until something you oppose is over before complaining.) And of course, there’s “f**k bush,” proof that sounding like an idiot isn’t limited to one end of the political spectrum. Then again, with a name like Shut Up and Post, you’re bound to suffer communication problems.

Posted by David Kiefaber
October 24, 2006

If this dirty rotten beachfront could talk
These speech-bubble ads are certainly an inventive way to chide seaside litterbugs, even if the signs themselves are a bit of an eyesore. I imagine they’re also handy for entertaining the stoned, drunk or otherwise impaired as they stumble around, interrupting volleyball games and horseshoe-crab-mating sessions. You can think of a million uses for this idea. “Watch out, homeless guy peed right here” bubbles in New York’s subways? “Ow, that hurts!” bubbles on trees in logging areas? “Don’t tread on me” signs in cemeteries? Maybe even “Shhh, no talking!” bubbles in movie theaters. My head hurts. See more ads from the campaign over at Houtlust.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
October 25, 2006

Score one for the felines in Pedigree ad
Let’s face it. For every Coleridge, da Vinci or Bernini that comes along, there are 500 guys for whom divine inspiration means using a dog’s anus as a flowerpot. Looking at this ad (“Perhaps it’s time to turn to Pedigree light dog food”) is like watching a clown die; it’s sad, but you can’t stop laughing. Let’s just pray the Weight Watchers people haven’t seen this. I would not be laughing then, I can assure you. I believe in adv has one other ad in the series and credits the work to TBWA\Paris.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
October 26, 2006

Voting ... it's an awful lot like sex
A mysterious benefactor sent me a cute, minute-long double entendre disguised as a voter awareness PSA and featuring actresses including Felicity Huffman and Angie Harmon. The juxtaposition of sex and voting is an interesting and well-developed technique, and while some may consider the twist ending a let down, I was relieved. Picturing the mom from Judging Amy doing the pants-off dance off had me pleading with the Almighty to grant this ad a deeper meaning. Still, hats off to the brains behind this spot, although I challenge them to find anything comparable to sexual euphoria come 2008.

-Posted by David Kiefaber
October 20, 2006

Small Press Expo: where antimarketers go to market
If you want to get a strong dose of antimarketing, one place to go is the Small Press Expo—this year’s event was held last Friday and Saturday in Bethesda, MD, bringing together publishers of independent print or illustrated media. Since supply and demand in this community is controlled by nerds who generally don't respond well to flashy ad campaigns, the artists and publishers who populate it join online communities, attend conventions, trade web links and slowly build networks among themselves and their readers. Some, like Questionable Content's Jeph Jacques and Canadian graphic novelist Von Allan, are savvy enough to realize that a nonessential product and a limited audience offer their own opportunities. Guerrilla, small scale viral marketing is sustainable at that level, and can build a supportive fan base without damaging artistic credibility. And if you're talented and lucky enough, you can earn enough money from merchandise to quit your day job—like Jacques—or get complimentary write-ups in Wizard Magazine and IGN, like Robert Venditti's tremendous graphic novel The Surrogates. At the very least, you can be Joe Komenda and attract women in bars with cartoon poultry. (Look at the art if you don't get it.) By my standards, that's still winning.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
October 19, 2006

A political ad that Mark Foley would love
With the odds of a political shift in the U.S. increasing, it’s important that we take a glance down the rabbit hole at international politics— specifically, at this ad from Albert Rivera’s campaign for president of Spain’s Catalonia region. For some reason, Rivera decided he should appear nude on campaign posters and fliers. The 26-year-old attorney admits that it’s “‘pure marketing’ designed to challenge conventions, earn free media coverage worldwide, and attract the support of young voters.” This would never run in the U.S., mostly because young naked men tend to attract elected politicians more than voters. But it should comfort people disturbed by the state of politics in the U.S., as Europe is clearly a bit of a cloudkookooland too. Still, let’s hope no American candidates get any ideas, if only because we can do without any puns on House majority leader John Boehner’s name.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
October 11, 2006

Are you ready for some circus-like sport?
I caught some of the Ravens/Broncos game last night on ESPN’s Monday Night Football, and it left me wondering how anyone can stand watching football. I rarely saw more than 10 minutes of continuous gameplay sandwiched between the same five ads (up yours, Hardee’s, some men do bake) and unnecessary cutaways to the announcer team. And that’s not including the barrage of onscreen graphics or any of the pregame rigmarole. At this rate, football’s levels of pageantry will surpass those of pro wrestling within my lifetime. They might as well start rigging the games now and embrace the inevitable. I mean, there’s enough of a football/wrestling crossover to make a profit, right? I guess not. Well, it’d still be worth it to see John Madden get speared through a flaming table.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
October 10, 2006

Halloween costumes for your inner loser
Looking for a Halloween costume? Were you considering Pac-Man, until you realized other people would mistake you for a giant Nerf ball? If so, you’re a hopeless nerd, which means this arcade console costume is right up your alley. The product description assures customers, “You’ll get a lot of work out of this joystick.” Which is code for, “You’ll be stuck in one-player mode at the end of the night.” Similar veiled contempt for geeky clientele comes from this Swiss Army Knife-type costume, whose name—Euratool—reveals how its designers feel about anyone who would wear it. And if your intent this Hallow’s Eve is to intentionally scare people, you can’t go wrong with the Courtney Love wedding costume, or whatever that thing is. I’d speculate, but I think instead I’ll gouge my eyes out with whatever’s at hand.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
October 9, 2006

Patton Oswalt has no time for advertising
Fans of advertising humor might want to snag a copy of comedian Patton Oswalt’s Feelin’ Kinda Patton album, which has a lot of ad-focused bits. Specific targets are Stella d’Oro Breakfast Treats, Martini and Rossi, Tom Carvel, and Godfather producer Robert Evans. Evans was apparently drafted by ESPN to do radio spots for them, which suggests maybe the ESPN guys were on harder drugs than Evans at the time (a bold statement—Evans probably can’t get high off anything but laudanum made from white tiger’s blood and unicorn tears these days). Patton’s interpretation of the spots nearly made me drive my car off the road when I first heard them, so exercise caution, but this album is worth every penny. You’ll never look at a Cookie Puss ice-cream cake the same way again.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
October 5, 2006

Would you shake your junk for a job?
No matter how bleak my current job search gets, at least I’ll never be asked to dance to Village People records during my interview. That’s because I’m not applying for a job at the Philadelphia Park Casino. The casino “is pleased with the response to its unorthodox hiring method,” but some interviewees beg to differ. “I walked out,” says Mary Lou Bentivegna, who was eyeing an accounting position, "and I was talking about going to [work at] the casino for years,” she tells the Bucks County Courier Times. The purpose of all this chicanery is simple. “Every single person at Philadelphia Park Casino needs to know that we’re in the entertainment business,” says a rep, “and customer service here demands outgoing, team-oriented people with truly positive outlooks.” In a charmingly insensitive moment, she even claims that “senior citizens and those with disabilities are applying and participating in the audition process by showing their enthusiasm as best they can, just as the other candidates are.” I imagine paraplegics popping wheelies to the Tony Hawk Pro Skater soundtrack. All joking aside, Mary Lou Bentivegna got off easy. Some applicants were asked to play air guitar to Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer.” Now that’s cruel.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
September 28, 2006

No in-game advertising in these babies
How many of you remember classic videogames like Defender, Defender II, Joust or Robotron 2084? Hopefully none of you. Those games should be boxed up and hidden under the stairs like a deformed Olsen triplet. Nevertheless, you can play them and other pedantic titles at Midway Arcade, itself a promotional extension of Midway’s Arcade Treasures series. After all, why spend $50 on cutting-edge graphics and nonlinear gameplay when $20 gets you a boxload of 8-bit exercises in frustration? Speaking of which, I’m gonna squeeze in some Rampage before work.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
September 26, 2006

Hummer conquers land, moves on to sea
You know, I’ve spent the past three months hoping that a Hummer H3 would take a long dive off a short pier. Just my luck, then, that the guy in this ad pimps his Hummer into a submarine. What makes it worse is that Hummer probably offers this option, and someone may have already taken them up on it. Perhaps in the next ad we’ll see an H3 converted into a working tank, so the driver can go get his own damn oil. Via ’boards.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
September 25, 2006

VampireFreaks endeavor to make amends
In an effort that will no doubt inspire countless lame “blood drive” jokes, VampireFreaks.com has launched a campaign to support the Montreal Children’s Hospital. The goth Web site (no, it’s not related to AdFreak) was regrettably linked to the recent shootings at Dawson College in Montreal, and is attempting to redeem itself. The fundraiser page strongly asserts that VampireFreaks is “raising money to donate to charity, to help people in need, and to show the world that goths are not the scary, evil criminals that some people make us out to be.” I’m sure members such as “Drowning In Blood” and “Dolly Dead” would agree. The goal is to distance the group from Kimveer Gill, a VampireFreaks member who killed a student, wounded a bunch more and then offed himself at Dawson College earlier this month. True goths, of course, are not violent people. They have other interests, like downloading terrible industrial music and mooching clove cigarettes from friends with jobs. Still, VampireFreaks had collected $2,371 as of yesterday. And just in case all this isn’t strange enough, check out the Toronto Sun’s horrified (and uncalled for) response.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
September 22, 2006

Here's a guy we want making the decisions
The Idaho elections are less than two months away, and one gubernatorial candidate has decided that making sparsely attended public speeches and annoying people at county fairs isn’t enough. What’s required is a truly inane, feeble-minded stunt. Thus, Marvin Richardson, an Emmett strawberry farmer, has legally changed his middle name to Pro-Life, and then dropped both his first and last names to circumvent laws designed to keep political issues off the ballot itself. “My name being Pro-Life ... will save a number of babies by the time I die,” he tells reporters, adding, “I’m not a nutty kind of person at all.” Pro-Life plans to run for office every two years; in 2008, he will run for the U.S. Senate—unless, of course, his family intervenes. Pro-Life also tells reporters that “my wife, she’s not into calling me Pro-Life yet.” We can’t imagine why.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
September 22, 2006

Sign Lindsay up while she's still alive
Advertisers, get Lindsay Lohan to endorse your crap soon, or you may be out of luck. The actress’s troublingly and dangerously literal fall from grace continued on Friday, when she “was rushed to the hospital again after fracturing her wrist.” Flat boots were reportedly to blame, as they made her slip during New York’s Fashion Week, causing the injury. An investigation is pending against Milk Studios, the site of Lohan’s boo-boo, to determine whether or not they “took adequate health and safety precautions with the ground.” I’m no legal expert, but it sounds like they expected Milk Studios personnel to manually flatten the landscape surrounding their facilities just in case a clumsy, underfed starlet decided to pay them a visit. This is by no means her first accident, either. January of this year saw her get 10 stitches in her shin after “falling on a broken cup at rocker Bryan Adams’ home in London.” And in July, she was hospitalized for heatstroke and exhaustion acquired on the set of Georgia Rule. AdFreak sends out a plea to Ms. Lohan: Slow down and take some time off. Any more accidents and you’ll be typecast in this role* for all eternity, special effects permitting.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
September 20, 2006

*http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6a/Jerryford.jpg

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5891085855028362139&q=commercials&hl=en

Here’s a MasterCard ad that doesn’t strike me as terribly offensive. I imagine its supposed banishment from the airwaves had to do with the kid smashing the guitar, but that seems fairly tame, considering that certain people (coughPeteTownshendcough) got famous doing it, and no one gets hurt. No, I think the real culprit was showing Saul "Slash" Hudson’s uncovered face, which is ugly enough to fall afoul of obscenity regulations. Hiding one’s repulsive mug behind six pounds of stringy hair? Priceless.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
September 18, 2006

Save the starving, ultra-thin models!
It looks like the fashion industry has finally taken the hint about the message they send to the public. And they’ve done so in a typically flamboyant, exaggerated way, resulting in “the world’s first ban on overly thin models.” This decision, levied at a fashion show in Madrid, “has caused outrage among modeling agencies,” who are no doubt kicking over trays of bobby pins amid shrieks of “Oh, listen to her!” Apparently, underweight models were rejected from Madrid’s fashion week after someone with a clue discovered that their wafer-thin looks inspire eating disorders in young women. This brought cries of protest from people like Elite modeling agency’s Cathy Gould. “What about discrimination against the model,” she asked, “and what about the freedom of the designer?” Yeah, what about those things? Are we going to sit back and let a bunch of bleeding-heart sissies shame the fashion industry into not setting detrimental body-image standards for young women? Don’t think of the aesthetics, people. Think of all those unemployed, “gazelle-like” models. They can’t afford any more discrimination; if they look like gazelles, they aren’t getting much work outside of National Geographic as it is.

—Posted by David Kiefaber
September 15, 2006

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